I was never all that excited about this job. It fell in my lap. I didn’t seek it out. A lot of things are starting to get to me, like how JC’s expectations are way too high and he can’t get straight what he wants me to do. When I’m not doing any one of the ten things he told me to do, which is always the case because I can only do maybe two things at once, he gets all pissy and complains. Figure out what you want me to do and then stick with it, you idiot. If you want me to post ads, I’ll post ads. That’s what I was told the job is. If you want me to call apartments to get information, then stop expecting me to post ads, and don’t have everyone doing it at once without any kind of coordination so we might be all calling the same places.
Don’t think that I’m acting like a wuss at work and not saying anything to anybody so I can vent here. I’m saying pretty much all of this stuff there too, except that I’m not calling JC an idiot to his face (yet). I’m starting to hate this job, and unless things get better, I’m not going to stay much longer. I didn’t ask for this. I was forced into this. I hate doing things I hate in order to make money that I don’t want.
I’ve been thinking about luck lately and how a lot of people attribute good things that happen to it. So what exactly IS luck anyway? According to this definition, it is a force that causes good things to happen. What other force do people attribute such things to but not bad things? That right, gods. Belief in luck is a religious belief, though it is fortunately one that does not entail the worship of a being, and it does not drive its adherents to hurt other people or convert them. It’s a very simple religion that seems harmless from most perspectives.
But as with all superstitions, belief in luck is not based on sound logic. It causes people to misunderstand real forces at work in the world and to gain a false sense of knowledge about the universe. When you flip a coin, the outcome seems random, but it is not. How the coin lands depends on many factors like how much time in spends in the air, how quickly it rotates, and where it lands. With enough knowledge of physics and control over the flip, the outcome could be predicted with 100% accuracy a million times. To believe that the outcome of a coin flip depends on a supernatural force acting on it in favor of a particular individual is arrogant and childish, but the worst part is that it’s wrong. The forces at work in every seemingly random event can be understood. There is nothing supernatural about them.
Believing that an outside force bends probabilities to your advantage can cause a person to take unnecessary chances. Just because a person threw a basketball into the hoop facing backwards from half court once doesn’t mean that he should bet his life savings on a single hand of blackjack later on. The circumstances are completely different, and to tie them together with a force that cannot be detected or tested is irrational.
Though it would be cool if we could count on good things happening to us, that’s just not how reality works. There is no such thing as good or bad luck. There is only ignorance of seemingly random events and the inability to calculate the outcomes.
I’ll post something interesting later. For now, here’s another personal blog.
I’m working more hours than the guy said, but it’s good. It means more money. It’s just kind of annoying how he wants me to get a crazy number of ads posted in addition to all this other stuff. He wants me to design graphics (which I like to do a lot), create ad templates (another thing I like to do), update the newsletter (which isn’t too bad), and probably other stuff I can’t think of right now. Really, if they just cut the data entry part out or at least found a more effective place to post ads than Craigslist, and also if I wasn’t constantly interrupted by a new thing he wants me to do, everything would be great.
It’s not this job in particular that bothers me, though. It’s the fact that I’m still not really doing anything. That will change soon enough, but right now it sucks being here doing something I don’t really want to do to appease people who want me to be someone I’m not. At least in Washington, I won’t be surrounded by stifling people. They care about me being happy, but they don’t know what will make me happy. They don’t understand how I think.
People in this country have an annoying fixation on making money. It’s not wrong to make money, but at the same time, the ability to make money doing something doesn’t make it right. I don’t want to talk about money as a moral issue though. I want to talk about it on a personal level. People should do what they’re interested in totally apart from making money. Anybody who does something for a living simply because of the money is wasting his or her life. Why does it matter how much money you have? You still die some day. Why aren’t people more concerned with what they do with their life than how much stuff they collect?
Yesterday at work, they had a multilevel marketing seminar or some such nonsense. I vaguely remembered the concept, so I looked it up and found those two magic words: pyramid scheme. Not every multilevel marketing system is a pyramid scheme, but every pyramid scheme is a multilevel marketing scheme. They both depend on making money by recruiting people to recruit people to recruit people and so on. Whoopie, there’s a lot of money in it. I still don’t want to do it. I don’t care about money. It’s not real anyway.
But oh well. I’m at work, and I’m alone in the office, so I thought I’d take the opportunity to slack of just a bit. It’s been a pretty good day. I put together another desk. Woo! I also designed a pretty cool ad template that will hopefully bring in some business. It’s nice and all to be able to sit here and use my brain to make money, but I’m definitely looking forward to getting out of Katy and going up to Washington.
I think a lot about feelings, as my readers know. When a person says he or she “feels alive”, it generally means that they are experiencing powerful emotions. Life is defined as feelings. People would generally even rather feel pain than nothing because it at least reminds them that they’re alive, and though pain is unpleasant, life is viewed as a positive thing even if it is only affirmed by an unpleasant sensation. In this way, pain can be pleasure. I’ve experienced it myself. It’s a powerful thing.
The difference between living and nonliving things is not locomotion or reproduction, at least not in the way that people generally think. It is emotion. Vegetarians and vegans often refuse to eat animals because they are afraid to take part in a practice that might hurt the feelings of animals, which would cause them emotional pain, but they don’t consider the lives of plants to be as important because plants don’t show emotions. They are alive, but they don’t have life.
When one is overly involved in one’s emotions, it makes life a dynamic and exciting experience. Most people allow their emotions to carry them like a ship in the sea, suffering through the storms and drifting lazily when it’s calm. It’s easy to forget that we have the power to rise above the emotions and view them objectively. We can feel our feelings but still remain in control. The first step is not resistance. It is understanding. The intellect dulls the effects of emotions, taking away their power to sweep us off course in our lives. Our feelings can be our guides, but our intellects must be our engines.
Courage overcomes fear, and there are ways of mastering all of the other emotions and living more balanced lives.
I’m at work right now. I’m such a rebel, blogging while I’m at work. This is an interesting company. It helps people find apartments and makes money from the referrals or something like that rather than from the person they are helping. It’s kinda cool, really. I’ve been posting ads for them on backpage and craigslist and also designing ads. Nothing has made me think anything funny is going on, though I’m not totally clear on who pays them.