Moons of Neptune

Hehe! It rhymes! Neptune has 13 moons.
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Naiad
Thalassa
Despina
Larissa
Proteus
Triton
Nereid
Halimede
Sao
Laomedeia
Psamathe
Neso
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Moons of Uranus

It’s pronounced like urine-us, not your-anus.

Uranus has 27 known moons, named after characters in plays.
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Cordelia
Ophelia
Bianca
Cressida
Desdemona
Juliet
Portia
Rosalind
Cupid
Belinda
Perdita
Puck
Mab
Miranda
Ariel
Umbriel
Titania
Oberon
Francisco
Caliban
Stephano
Trinculo
Sycorax
Margaret
Prospero
Setebos
Ferdinand
——

Profile of a Lukewarm Christian

I found a piece of paper on the ground today with some christian nonsense on it, so I thought I’d share it with you. Apparently, it’s a list of attributes that “lukewarm christians” have and bible passages that condemn them. If you check these passages yourself, read the whole chapter rather than just the verse listed so you can be sure to get the context. Christians are easy to catch in inconsistencies with their “holy” book this way. Things in {curly brackets} are comments by me. I’m not checking the verses before I make the comments, so the verse might actually clarify what the list item says, but I doubt it.
—–
1. Attend church regularly it’s what’s expended of them. {run on sentence}
a.Isaiah 29:13
{You hear that? Don’t attend church regularly if you want to be a good christian.}

2. Give as long as it doesn’t affect their living
a. 1 Chronicles 21:24
b. Luke 21:1-4
{That’s right, give until you don’t have enough for yourself.}

3. Choose what is popular over what is right in conflict
a. Luke 6:26
b. Revelation 3:1
c. Matthew 23:5-7
{They have it right in theory. What’s right is more important than what is popular, but then they screw it all up by advocating christianity.}

4. Don’t want to be saved from their sins, but the penalty of their sins
a. John 10:10
b. Romans 6:1-2
{Why is the penalty even there if it isn’t supposed to be persuasive? Are you saying there’s a penalty for wanting to be saved from the penalty of sin rather than from sin itself? What’s the penalty for wanting to avoid that?}

5. They are moved by radical christians but don’t act themselves.
a. James 1:22
b. James 4:17
c. Matthew 21:28-31
{What about tubular christians? Groovy christians?}

6. They share their faith with those they know because they don’t want to be rejected.
a. Matthew 10:32-33
{A good christian should want to be rejected because that proves the bible right.}

7. They gauge their morality and “goodness” by comparing themselves to the secular world.
a. Luke 18:11-12
{Don’t christians believe that nobody is good? We’re supposed to compare ourselves to Yahweh or some such nonsense and constantly feel bad about ourselves.}

8. They say they love jesus and only give him a part of their lives.
a. Luke 9:57-62
{Kill yourself for Jebus if you’re a good christian.}

9. Love god, but not with their whole heart mind and soul
a. Matthew 22:37-38
{What’s the difference? What christian says they sorta love their god? This is just another thing to make you feel like you’re not doing enough no matter how much you’re doing.}

10. They don’t seek to love others as much as themselves.
a. Matthew 5:43-47
b. Luke 14:12-14
{People are supposed to hate themselves. That’s how christianity works.}

11. Will serve god and people only within their comfort zone
a. Luke 18:21-25
{You aren’t a good christian unless you’re doing things you don’t want to do.}

12. Think more about life hear on earth rather than in heaven
a. Phillipians 3:18-20
b. Collosians 3:2
{Hear on earth? What an idiot. Once again, kill yourself if you want to be a good christian and go to heaven.}

13. They care comfortable with luxuries but don’t give to the needy. {This one is very badly worded.}
a. Matthew 25:34, 40
b. Isaiah 58:6-7
{I don’t know what caring comfortable is, but I assume it means that if you have any extra money at all, it should go to the church.}

14. Try to keep themselves from feeling guilty, they want to do the bare minimum.
a. 1 Chronicles 29:14
b. Matthew 13:44-46
{Christianity thrives on people feeling guilty. Don’t shield yourself from guilt. Let it compel you to let yourself be totally enslaved by your church.}

15. Play it safe and are slaves to the “god” of control
a. 1 Timothy 6:17-18
b. Matthew 10:28
{What “god” of control? What are you talking about?}

16. Feel safe because they have made a profession of faith and do christian things
a. Matthew 7:21
b. Amos 6:1
{What are “christian things”? Aren’t you supposed to be able to feel safe from the wrath of your god if you’re doing what he wants you to do?}

17. They don’t live by faith; their lives are structured so they don’t have too {I think they meant to say “to”.}
a. Luke 12:16-21
b. Hebrews 11
{Why are you breathing? You should be living by faith, not air. Put down that food. Only Yahweh can feed you. Hunger and asphyxiation are just signs that you don’t have faith.}

18. They aren’t really different from your typical unbeliever.
a. Matthew 23:25-28
{What’s a typical unbeliever? No wait, what’s an atypical unbeliever? Define the terms you’re making up or nobody will understand you.}
————
This serves as a marvelous example of different sects of christianity attacking each other’s beliefs, practices, and ways of life. Christians want everyone to worship the way they do. It’s not enough to just believe in Jebus. You have to be a total slave. Not only that, but even if you are doing everything you’re supposed to do, you have to also feel like you’re not doing enough. You are inadequate, sinful, and evil. You need Yahweh, not to make you good, but to save you from how much you suck, not that that will change it. You’ll be punished if you don’t worship Yahweh and believe that he’s better than you no matter what you do, give, or believe, but you’ll also be punished if you’re doing it just to avoid being punished.

I’d better upgrade my account!

It’s a good thing Yahoo customer service really cares about its users enough to send this message from vpagency@sbcglobal.net, a totally legitimate customer service email address I’m sure.
————————–
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Property: Account Security

Moons of Saturn

Saturn has approximately 60 moons, but 53 of them comprise only 0.04% of the mass orbiting the planet, according to wikipedia. Therefore, I will only list the 7 that are listed. If you don’t like me using Wikipedia as a source on this, get over yourself.

*Mimas
*Enceladus
*Tethys
*Dione
*Rhea
*Titan
*Iapetus

the christian creation myth as an allegory

I have a great fascination with the first few chapters of genesis in the bible. It is so full of errors, I can’t believe anybody believes that it’s literally true. Challenge a believer enough, and they’ll lead you in circles with answers that don’t make any sense whatsoever. Still, in a way, you have to admire the will of a biblical literalist to build their house on a foundation of sand (to put it biblically). The bible is a fascinating piece of text, and I’m glad that it has survived from at least medieval times when it could have all been originally written. If it really was written long before that, then that’s better still. It’s a “testament” to the power of the written word.

What I want to address here, though, is the moderate christians who don’t believe the world was created the way the bible says it was. Their excuse is that they believe it was an allegory, or an extended metaphor, meant to teach a lesson to its readers. I’d love to get a christian perspective on this, but I don’t know if I have any christian readers. Still, I’m going to press on and give my interpretation of the christian creation myth as an allegory from the perspective of someone who threw out the baby with the bathwater nine years ago.

It seems to me that the story, in the context of an allegory, puts its reader in the place of Adam or Woman depending on the reader’s gender. So in that, it makes sense that the story concerns one man and one woman. Completely ignored are people with no gender or transgendered people, not necessarily due to prejudice or bigotry, but in order to streamline the story. Too many characters would clutter it. Yahweh goes through the creation process twice for some reason in order to explain how the man and woman got there to begin with, but it seems unnecessary to do that if the story is just meant to teach a lesson. The details of their creation are only important in a historical narrative, but I digress.

El (the god’s name according to the original jewish version) has given them everything they need to live and be happy, meaning the reader should take from it that he has done that for them. Survival is a matter of trusting and obeying El. The only temptation that exists comes in the form of fruit that bestows knowledge on its eater. The fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil translates, to me, in the real world as education. A good moderate christian should avoid education and trust only El to provide him or her with what he or she needs. To learn is to disobey in both the allegory and the real world, and disobedience will be punished with self reliance. Knowledge leads to self reliance, and self reliance is rebellion to El.

That’s how I see it anyway.