Well, week and a half. I got another bullshit email from J.C. today. Here’s what it said:
Title: MORNING DUTIES
Text: TURN COMPUTERS ON
TURN RADIO ON IN MAIN COMPUTER.
NEED TO CHECK WITH US WHICH ADS TO PUT OUT.
NEED TO HAVE GOOD TILES ON ADS
This was after he already said these things to me earlier, which was unnecessary even then. Here was my reply:
Next week will be my last week here. It’s been interesting working with you.
I considered writing out a long thing about how much I don’t find messages like that motivating, but then I decided that something short and decisive was the best response. No, I don’t have another job lined up because I hate jobs. J.C. said he doesn’t want me to leave, but I’m not staying if he’s going to keep trying to pressure me to do more than I’ve been doing. I told him that I can’t do any better than I already am. I’m doing my best, and if that’s not good enough, he can find somebody else. I guess there’s a snowball’s chance in Hell that I might stay, but I fully intend to quit and try getting my photography thing off the ground. Or something. Maybe I’ll do nothing and be a bum. Maybe I’ll jump through a sunny watering pickle and smeezeguard the wrong blangerang. I just know that I’m not going to let anyone stress me out. No job is worth it.
So buy some prints.
It was kinda fun to get back to this job at first, but it’s gotten very boring. I do the same crap all day every day. Why bother with that? What is the point of coming to work when every day is exactly the same? That’s not living. It’s death, and I don’t like being dead and conscious. Time passes by very slowly that way. I’m a person, not a machine.
I’ve been thinking about the times in Washington when I was walking around enjoying the fact that I didn’t have to be anywhere or do anything. I was happy because I was free. I remember now why I left Texas to go there. I can’t be free here. I couldn’t really be free in Washington either though because I was depending on my sister. I need to leave and depend only on myself or maybe take up The Ceej on his offer to go wander the world, assuming he still wants to do that.
The last time I thought about this, I used my family as an excuse to stay here. I wasn’t being totally honest though. Sure my family would worry if I just went off to see what freedom had in store for me, but what’s really holding me back is my own worries. I know that death in some form could very well await me out there, but living death is what I’m experiencing here. Does actual death really seem that bad? That’s the worst case scenario anyway. Maybe the beginning of a great life begins with my escape from this one, and by that I don’t mean dying. I mean escaping this living death of office drudgery and being surrounded by consumerism. I can’t let my family tie me down. They don’t depend on me.
I was going to save up for a really nice camera, but then I figured that a new computer would be more useful and much cheaper. My old one is a few years old and just way too slow and running out of hard drive space. It also had Vista, which sucks worse than the suckiest sucking thing that sucks almost as bad as Vista, though using Ubuntu made it much better. This new one has windows 7, which is quite nice aside from being a microsoft thing. My new computer is an emachine like the old one is, and the only downside is that it’s going to be more difficult to upgrade. The case is smaller, so everything is packed in more. I’m going to have to almost take the whole thing apart in order to get at the ram. Fortunately, I have experience in taking computers apart and putting them together again so they still work, so it’s not going to be a big deal when I switch out the 4 gigs of ram for 8.
As a reward for reading through all that stuff that you might not care about, here’s a picture I took a few days ago.
This comic appears on my website, The View From Earth.